There's Hope

So I was sitting here angrily typing away at a blog about symptoms of a horrible relationship, but I decided to write this one instead.
Instead of wallowing in my anger, I want to encourage all you ladies and gents, I ain't sexist in a bad long-term relationship.  I am talking about a long-term dating relationship, not marriage. 

I just want to tell you, there's hope.
Not for your relationship, but for you as an individual.
You have to decide whether working it out is plausible or not. 

What I'm talking about is that there is hope outside of this toxic relationship. There is hope when you finally kick off that chain that is tying you down.

I know you may not see it now, but there is a whole life out there waiting for you, without that person in it.
You can travel, meet new people, fall in love all over again, move to NYC, get a puppy, ANYTHING. 
Life opened up for me when I realized that that relationship was doomed.

I know it's scary to "be alone" but you won't be.
You have friends, family, and most importantly, a God who cares so much about you.

The Lord often brings us closer to him when we are at our weakest. I know it isn't a fun option to open yourself up to a time alone, but it's worth it.
Your walk with the Lord will be stronger than it ever was when you're leaning on Him alone.

I know it's frightening to not know what is coming next, but it's okay not to know. 
When I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, I couldn't stand people asking me questions. I promptly started answering every "are you guys getting back together?" "what happened?" "how are you doing?" with "I don't know."
and I don't know is OKAY! I know it's easy to get bogged down in the life you had planned, but plans change.

When I finally got up the nerve to break up with my ex, my Dad dropped some wisdom on me that I will never ever forget.
After telling him how my ex had made me feel like unwanted garbage for months, my Daddy, with nothing but love in his wrinkled blue eyes, looked at me and said "You deserve so much better. You do not deserve to get [emotionally] punched in the stomach for 20 years and if he doesn't want you now, he won't treat you any better 30 years down the road."

This has changed my life and I distinctly remember telling this to two of my best friends going through similar situations. I don't think I can do it justice, but I hope the concept seeped through. 

You deserve better than that.
You can do better than crying on the phone at 2 am to your friend/mom/sister/brother/dad.
You deserve better than being someone's second choice.
You deserve someone who is going to love you unashamedly for the rest of your life.
You deserve to be happy in your relationship.
You're stronger than you think you are. 

And I just thought someone should tell you. 

-S

And because I love my Mom and Dad, there's a beautiful picture of them from their anniversary.

It's the Fourth of July, Right?

So today's the day, February 14, 2015. Valentine's Day. Yay. 

I even joked with my best friends that I was going to celebrate the Fourth of July today instead. I thought it was funny, but they weren't really amused (I'm looking at you, Liv!Hahaha). 

The first one I've spent by myself since I was 15. The first time I've felt alone on this stupid holiday in a long time. 

With friends and girls getting flowers, chocolate, and gifts today, today has been a completely humbling experience. I've smiled and laughed and encouraged the ladies around me. I'm very truly happy for them, but sometimes I just don't feel like I want to be. 

All week I've had to remind myself that right now I'm in a season of being single, and that that is okay. I've reminded myself that the Lord has a plan for me that exceeds anything I've ever thought of. 

It doesn't make any less of a lady because I don't have a Valentine, and that encourages me. 

I'm spending the day with the best people I know, my parents are sending me a much needed care package, and I don't have much homework for the weekend. So instead on focusing on what I don't have, I'm attempting to focus and praise the Lord for what I do. 

Hopefully, one day, I will get to tell my children how I waited patiently for their father, even through the sucky holidays alone. 

-S

Straight Shooting

The other day I was having a frustrated talk with my roommate and the conversation went something like this:

Jo: Some guys are so stupid. Why don't they realize that girls would go out with them if they just asked?

Me: I have no idea. If I was a guy, I would ask girls to coffee all the time, just for fun. No commitment, no risk. 

Jo: And very rarely would a girl say no to a normal guy. There are a few occasions when she knows she's not interested, but most of the time she's down to try it. 

Now, this is not the first time I've had this conversation, and it most likely will not be the last. I've had conversation and conversation with my girl friends, especially in the past year, that revolve around "Why won't he just ask? Why do I feel like I'm pursuing this? If he'd ask, I would say yes."

I'm not saying this is all guys, there are the few, brave souls who don't fit this stereotype, and let me tell you, ladies are very thankful for you.

But this got me thinking: what if guys don't ask because no one is telling them that they should. . So I'm going to tell you, you should. 

I'm a straight shooter and I try to be honest and clear as much as possible so again, Guys, you should ask her.

Like I said, there is no commitment and no risk. It's not even an official date. It's a sign of interest at the most, but nothing else.
And we're all adults here, right?
If you don't show your interest, then you'll be quick to lose her. And if you like her and you lose her, you'll regret it.

But when you ask her: be confident and be considerate. 
Nothing is more attractive than a guy who lays it right out on the table, especially because that is so lacking nowadays. Be straightforward with her.
If you want to get to know her and see where it goes, be honest with her. And if she isn't interested, hopefully she's classy enough to save you both the embarrassment and let you down easily.

And if you find out 10 minutes into this pre-arranged, one-on-one hangout session (I'm avoiding using "date") that you're not interested, tell her once the time is over. Don't leave her suspended in the revolving door of "does he like me?" and "does he want to see me again?".
I'm sure you've been there before and it sucks, for both parties involved.

Now, before the feminists get me, women, you can ask him out too if you want.
I'm not going to even touch that subject right now.
But I personally don't like that for me and the guys I'm interested in. I like feeling like a lady and pursuing a man just doesn't make me feel very lady-like-ish. Call me a Southern Belle if you want, but it was how I was raised.

I like to see a guy put himself out there and ask me. Vulnerability and genuineness are cherished and looked for in any relationship.
When a guy can humble himself enough to admit to being interested in spending one-on-one time together, he gains at least 18 points in my book, even if I didn't have very much interest in
him before.

So on behalf of the girls who are frustrated with your lack of gumption, I'm telling you to step outside of your comfort zone and give it a chance. It'll be worth it one day.

S

15 Things I've Learned at Liberty University

Since I just finished my 5th semester in college, I figured I'd let you in on a few tricks of the trade.

1. Don't be afraid to cry when your parents leave

I cried, everyone I saw around me cried, all my friends cried, every movie you've ever seen they cry. Everyone cries when they leave their parents. It's a scary time to be left alone in a new place surrounded by people you don't know. Hug them hard, shed some tears, and walk into your dorm. No one is going to think less of you. All upperclassmen have been throughout and all the freshmen are probably still doing it. To be honest, I cry almost every August when they drop me off. It's okay.

2. Be a girl who can hangout with girls

I get it, sometimes, guys make better friends. Yea, they have less drama and are less whiny, but you need to make good girl friends. You don't want to get labeled as one of "those girls" who's constantly surrounded by boys and needs male attention all the time. The first few weeks of freshmen year is the EASIEST time to make girl friends. All you girls need friends and are willing to be way nicer than usual to get them. Use this time to get to know people, but especially girls, on your hall, in you classes, and around campus. This is NOT to say you CAN'T have guy friends, but make sure you've got your girls first. One day you'll need bridesmaids.

3. Go to activities and put yourself out there

So the first few weeks suck, but make it less sucky by going to dorm events. Your dorm will do things specifically for you to make friends. Remember, the other people there are also going because they don't know anyone. Go, be yourself, be confident, and have fun. You will make friends if you put yourself out there.

4. Don't blow your Meal Dollars in the first weeks

Okay so here at Liberty University we have a thing called Flames Cash. This Flames Cash can be used at food places across the campus, but also off campus. It's only $200 for the whole semester, so use it wisely. Eat the free food at the Rot as much as possible, even if it's not as good. That $200 is going to disappear quickly if you're getting Starbucks everyday. Be aware how much your using and be careful how you spend it.

5. Don't expect to marry the first guy you meet

He isn't the one. Trust me. He isn't. I know you want to meet "the one", but the first cute guy you saw across the campus isn't him. He might not even be here. Chill out. I saw way too many girls end up with hurt feelings within the first 2 weeks of being here because that guy they talked to one time didn't end up wanting to marry them.

6. Dressing up for early classes gets old very quickly

There's always that one girl who walks into every class, no matter how early, looking like a 10. I always wished I could be that girl, but I liked sleep a lot. Don't get me wrong, looking like a bum gets old too. Make yourself presentable, but don't worry about worry those 4 inch heels everyday. My favorite thing to wear to early classes was a t-shirt, sweater, and jeans, with some makeup on and my hair down. It's the perfect combination between looking presentable, but also being comfortable.

7.  Speaking of early classes, avoid them at ALL cost

Okay, at all cost is a little drastic, but seriously. I've only met 1 girl in the 3 years I've been here who actually enjoyed early classes. When signing up for classes you always think, well my high school started at 8, so I can take a 7:40, it's only 20 minutes earlier. That may be true, but you have not accounted for the late nights you'll be pulling. Sometimes you'll be up till 2 studying for that test you have tomorrow and sometimes you'll get hooked on Gossip Girl on Netflix and end up watching it till 3am (and yes, I am speaking from personal experience).

8. Find friends who make you want to be a better person.

Even at the largest Christian University in the world, there is a huge underground population of us who engage in all the sinful pleasures of the world. Instead of looking for and befriending those people, find friends who are going to make you volunteer, get closer to the Lord, go to church every Sunday, ask you serious life-questions, and overall spur you on to be better. These are the kinds of friends you need, not the ones who are getting trashed every weekend. Yeah, this is a time to have fun, but it's also a time to get professional. No one is going to hire you with those pictures on Facebook.

9. Don't be afraid to drift away from your high school friends

I had a lot of friends in high school, but after graduation it was hard holding on to them. When August came, we all moved on with our lives. They went on to attend other universities and made new friends and so did I. I ended up with about 5 or so friends that I had in high school that I still talk to on a regular basis. All my other friends I've talked to a handful of times within the last 2 1/2 years. So don't freak out when the people you used to talk to everyday stop texting, skyping, and calling you. It's a natural occurrence and you're going to make brand new friends at college. Catch up with those friends from high school every now and then, it's great to hear what they've been up to, but don't be hurt when you drift apart.

10. Find new things you like to do

When I first came to college, I thought I knew what I liked and didn't like. Because of this, I never really tried anything new. I would only play sports if it was volleyball and I would only go see a movie if I was looking forward to seeing it. Since realizing that I hadn't tried anything new, I've went snowboarding, kayaking, played and watched ultimate frisbee, watched scary movies, and went to concerts. Not that I hated all these things before, but I started saying "yes" to things I would normally say "no" to. And honestly, it has been so rewarding. I discovered a lot about myself when I decided to do things that made me uncomfortable.

11. Learn to love hiking

Disclaimer: I am NOT outdoorsy. I am and have labeled myself "indoorsy."
Okay, so this one is a little sarcastic, but I think it's hilarious. If you didn't know, Liberty U is surrounded by mountains, so what better to do then climb them ALL? At some point in your college career, when you get a good groups of guy and girl friends, you'll be asked to hike. Even if you would rather wax your legs than hike, you should go. I'm not going to lie, it's going to suck. It's literally walking up a super big hill in hopes that you'll reach the top and it won't be cloudy and you'll be able to see something.  BUT it's a great bonding experience. You'll be closer to your friends afterward and it'll be a great memory. Also, the best profile pictures come from the tops of mountain, it makes you look super active, even if you're not.

12. Choose a University that cares about you

Something I really love about Liberty is that I don't feel like a number. Many of the professors here take the time to get to know each of the students here. When I first came to college, I thought it would be awkward to go to a professor's office and talk about an assignment, test, or just life in general. This semester I've learned that the professors want to get to know you. They want to know where you come from and what you like. I really encourage you to look for a university that not only loves the Lord, but loves you. Liberty is so great about that, we have at least 20 offices that want to take of you, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They want to see you succeed on more than a financial level. It's very comforting to know that I am being well taken care of, even under the stressful situations I am in.

13. Study hard

This seems like an obvious one, doesn't it? But you'd be surprised by how many students come here and fail because they just didn't realize they needed to study. When I was in high school, I very rarely studied, and still made A's in my classes. So when I came to college I was hit by the freight train of studying. Ever since then, I've been finding new ways to learn the information needed in my class. Don't take classes lightly, they are actually why you came here to begin with. C's may get degrees but they also lose scholarships, so work hard.

14. Get an "Introduce Yourself" speech down

Throughout your 4+ years of college, you will introduce yourself a minimum of 300 times. You do it all the time. These are the questions you will be answering: 1) What's your name? 2)What's your major? 3)Where are you from? 4)What year are you? 5) What do you plan to do when you graduate?
Learn the answers to these 5 questions and stick with them, they will come in handy. They seem easy enough but if you've changed your major 3 times or you moved around a lot as a kid, you don't really know the answers to them. Decide what you want to tell complete strangers because you'll end up telling 300 people throughout your time at college.

15. Take time to talk to people who aren't like you

This one is a personal favorite of mine. I have a particular skill to find the outcasts in a room and befriend them. If you actually know me, you'll know that I am pretty much a basic white chick, meaning, I shop mostly at Old Navy, listen to Top 40 Radio, and drink Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Being that as it may, I love getting to know different people. I've made friends with so many "different" kinds of people. Don't be afraid to go outside your "norm" of friends and find people who introduce you to anime, or video games, or robots, or abstract art, or skateboarding. You don't have to like everything they introduce you to, but be the kind of person who will listen and empathize.

_______________________________________________________
I've learned so much more about myself from spending time away from home and out of my home town. I'm blessed for the opportunity the Lord has given me to go to an amazing University like Liberty.
Fan the Flames.

-S

To My Future Favorite Guy:

To My Future Favorite Guy,

I've waited a long time for you.

I can't wait to see your vibrant relationship with our Savior. I hope that is the first thing I notice about you. I can't wait to hear all about your journey, how you came to the Lord and how your life has changed since meeting Him. I'm praying for you on a daily basis. I pray that God builds you up to be the man you should be, because He sure is transforming me.

I can't wait to see what books you like to read. What you read, and how often you do it, says a lot about you. Reading is one of my favorite things to do so, even if it isn't your favorite, promise you'll give it a shot. I promise you that I will read, and try to enjoy, your favorite book, even if it's a cheesy Western.

I can't wait to take you out to meet my friends. I know you'll fit in and make yourself comfortable with them, just like I will with your friends. I can't wait to see you mingle and hold your own, even in uncomfortable and awkward situations. You'll have that charm that lights up a room and the ability to make everyone feel like a somebody.

I can't wait to travel with you. I know you'll want to see the world just as much as I do. I don't care where we go, as long as we go together. I know we'll have the best time doing any and everything. Also, let's go to Disney World, okay?

I can't wait to hear your laugh. I'm pretty funny, ya know, so you should be ready to laugh often. But seriously, I can't wait to hear those "I can't breath" belly laughs that may result from too much caffeine and too little sleep. I know you'll make me laugh with your quick-witted, sharp humor that makes me want to catch every word.

I can't wait for you to challenge me. I know you won't just let me win every petty argument because you love me. You'll be just as intelligent and stubborn as I am and fight with me every step of the way. The challenge you'll offer will lead to compromises that we are both willing to live with.

I can't wait for those deep late-night talks where we really get to know each other. I know you will accept all of me and that I will be honest with you with no fear of rejection. You'll smile when I smile and hold my hand when the story gets dark.It's in those intense moments where our relationship will grow. Don't get scared and back away when those moments present themselves. Walk toward me because I'm walking toward you.

I can't wait for the surprises you'll bring into my life. I can plan and expect certain thingsfrom you, but you will add so much more. I hope you're just as quirky, awkward, and weird as I am, but if you're Prince Charming, ya know, I'm not complaining.

There are so many things I'm looking forward to experiencing with you. Although I have no clue where you are, I'm really excited to meet you. You aren't a "perfect" man or some Nicholas Sparks' romance novel hero, I know you'll fail, but I also know that a real man picks himself up and pushes on.

But what I want you to know is that I'm praying that I'll be the woman you need. 
I pray the Lord is sharpening me today for what you will need in the future. I pray the Lord fills me with Him so that His presence is what draws us together.

And if you never show up, well, the Lord is still good. I will learn to flourish in the ground where I am planted. 

-S

Fostering Thankfulness

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season, getting new things and trying to find the perfect gifts for the special people in your life.
But today is Thanksgiving! Literally I want to give thanks for the things and people I already have.

Last night I found myself getting distracted thinking about all the things I wanted for Christmas, then God smacked me in the forehead and told me to look at the clock. Literally it was 12:15 am. It was Thanksgiving and here I was desiring more stuff; stuff that I will love for 3 months, a year tops, and the newness will wear off. And the cycle continues.

So I decided today to be thankful for what I already have. 

I'm thankful for my family, immediate, extended, and adopted. They have never stopped believing, encouraging, and loving me. They are always there for hugs and smiles and "I love you"s. Each of them mean so much to me and I would do anything for me. I've been very blessed with a godly home to grow up in and a safe place to come back to.

I'm thankful for my friends. New and old, at home and at college. Each of them is so very different and holds a special place in my heart. Some are there for encouragement, some for speaking truth, some for humbling, and some for building me up. Some of them are there for laughs and others have made me cry. I've had such a good group of friends throughout my life and my world would not be as colorful without them.

I'm thankful for my country. Yeah, we're not perfect and I don't always agree with the leadership, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. As Americans, we have been given such a blessing to worship God without fear of bodily harm. We have freedoms that many countries around the world do not have and we often take them for granted.

I'm thankful for my church. I've grown up in this church and I've loved every second of it. They are like my second family and I know that many of them would do anything to help one another. We are so close as a church body and it has been wonderful watching us grow and watching God bless in amazing ways.

I'm thankful for my university.  I love Liberty U and the environment we have there. I'm thankful that we take our faith seriously and don't just put Christian on the sign as a tradition. I have loved my time there and I have loved the people I've met there. It's such a friendly and safe environment that is so rare in today's society. I love the education I have received there and the constant pushing of myself I have to do to excel.

I'm thankful for my home. It's such a blessing to come home to a warm house with food on the table and clothes in my closet. I've been abundantly blessed with cars to drive and money to spend. There are so many people in this world that have so much less and I so often take this blessing for granted.

And most importantly:
I'm thankful for my SAVIOR. 
I'm thankful that the Lord Jesus came to earth to save a sinner like me. I'm thankful He didn't give up on me when I was dirty and stinky. I'm so thankful for what the Lord is doing right now in my life. It's easy to become discouraged when I don't see immediate fruit, but I must continue to give thanks. I thank God for bringing me to a place in my life where I am being humble and shaped each day.

I have so much more to be thankful for, I don't have the time or the mental capabilities to name it all. I'm challenging myself to pay more attention to the good things the Lord has already given, instead of being consumed by what I don't have. Today and for the rest of my life.

What are you thankful for?
-S

Attention Isn't Affection

So let me be really honest right now, sometimes I do things just to get attention.

Woah, ew. I know, I hate being one of those girls. Those girls who talk too much, laugh too loud, or act too excited just to get the attention I want. But honestly, sometimes I am.
This normally happens when I feel the need to "compete" for the attention I want.

When I act like this, I am the prideful, selfish person I try so hard to keep at bay. I squash any humility the Lord has taught me in one quick motion. Something I've had to learn the hard way is that ATTENTION DOES NOT EQUAL AFFECTION. 

All my life I've had this desire to be the center of attention, making people smile and laugh. I've played out scenarios in my mind where everyday of my life is like a stand-up comedy act. I say something clever, everyone laughs, and the curtain closes.
Obviously, my life is not an episode of Saturday Night Live and I am not Jimmy Fallon (even though he's the best.)

It's taken me a long time to figure out that people can still love me even when I'm not the center of their world. My friends and family love me, even if I'm not on their minds every second of every day. They don't play along with the scripts I've imagined for them, with myself as the main character, of course. And that is a good thing! 
Their "lack of focus" on me doesn't mean I am loved any less. 

The times I say and do the "right" things to feel good about myself, I am performing for what others want. I'm no longer listening to what the Lord has called me to. 

I'm allowing others to cloud my judgment. They become little idols I carry in my pockets that weigh me down.
When my life becomes about being the center of attention, I no longer allow it to be about making Christ my identity.

I've learned that people love people who love people. I shouldn't have time to win the attention of others as I should be focused on loving others more than myself. My life cannot be wasted on bringing the attention to myself.
It has to be about loving God and loving others. 

My life is not about being the prettiest, smartest, or most talented. It's definitely not about being the center of the universe.
When I fully realize that it isn't about me, it takes so much pressure off my shoulders.
My life is a snapshot of what the Lord can do with a broken, but willing vessel. 

-S