Fostering Thankfulness

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season, getting new things and trying to find the perfect gifts for the special people in your life.
But today is Thanksgiving! Literally I want to give thanks for the things and people I already have.

Last night I found myself getting distracted thinking about all the things I wanted for Christmas, then God smacked me in the forehead and told me to look at the clock. Literally it was 12:15 am. It was Thanksgiving and here I was desiring more stuff; stuff that I will love for 3 months, a year tops, and the newness will wear off. And the cycle continues.

So I decided today to be thankful for what I already have. 

I'm thankful for my family, immediate, extended, and adopted. They have never stopped believing, encouraging, and loving me. They are always there for hugs and smiles and "I love you"s. Each of them mean so much to me and I would do anything for me. I've been very blessed with a godly home to grow up in and a safe place to come back to.

I'm thankful for my friends. New and old, at home and at college. Each of them is so very different and holds a special place in my heart. Some are there for encouragement, some for speaking truth, some for humbling, and some for building me up. Some of them are there for laughs and others have made me cry. I've had such a good group of friends throughout my life and my world would not be as colorful without them.

I'm thankful for my country. Yeah, we're not perfect and I don't always agree with the leadership, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. As Americans, we have been given such a blessing to worship God without fear of bodily harm. We have freedoms that many countries around the world do not have and we often take them for granted.

I'm thankful for my church. I've grown up in this church and I've loved every second of it. They are like my second family and I know that many of them would do anything to help one another. We are so close as a church body and it has been wonderful watching us grow and watching God bless in amazing ways.

I'm thankful for my university.  I love Liberty U and the environment we have there. I'm thankful that we take our faith seriously and don't just put Christian on the sign as a tradition. I have loved my time there and I have loved the people I've met there. It's such a friendly and safe environment that is so rare in today's society. I love the education I have received there and the constant pushing of myself I have to do to excel.

I'm thankful for my home. It's such a blessing to come home to a warm house with food on the table and clothes in my closet. I've been abundantly blessed with cars to drive and money to spend. There are so many people in this world that have so much less and I so often take this blessing for granted.

And most importantly:
I'm thankful for my SAVIOR. 
I'm thankful that the Lord Jesus came to earth to save a sinner like me. I'm thankful He didn't give up on me when I was dirty and stinky. I'm so thankful for what the Lord is doing right now in my life. It's easy to become discouraged when I don't see immediate fruit, but I must continue to give thanks. I thank God for bringing me to a place in my life where I am being humble and shaped each day.

I have so much more to be thankful for, I don't have the time or the mental capabilities to name it all. I'm challenging myself to pay more attention to the good things the Lord has already given, instead of being consumed by what I don't have. Today and for the rest of my life.

What are you thankful for?
-S

Attention Isn't Affection

So let me be really honest right now, sometimes I do things just to get attention.

Woah, ew. I know, I hate being one of those girls. Those girls who talk too much, laugh too loud, or act too excited just to get the attention I want. But honestly, sometimes I am.
This normally happens when I feel the need to "compete" for the attention I want.

When I act like this, I am the prideful, selfish person I try so hard to keep at bay. I squash any humility the Lord has taught me in one quick motion. Something I've had to learn the hard way is that ATTENTION DOES NOT EQUAL AFFECTION. 

All my life I've had this desire to be the center of attention, making people smile and laugh. I've played out scenarios in my mind where everyday of my life is like a stand-up comedy act. I say something clever, everyone laughs, and the curtain closes.
Obviously, my life is not an episode of Saturday Night Live and I am not Jimmy Fallon (even though he's the best.)

It's taken me a long time to figure out that people can still love me even when I'm not the center of their world. My friends and family love me, even if I'm not on their minds every second of every day. They don't play along with the scripts I've imagined for them, with myself as the main character, of course. And that is a good thing! 
Their "lack of focus" on me doesn't mean I am loved any less. 

The times I say and do the "right" things to feel good about myself, I am performing for what others want. I'm no longer listening to what the Lord has called me to. 

I'm allowing others to cloud my judgment. They become little idols I carry in my pockets that weigh me down.
When my life becomes about being the center of attention, I no longer allow it to be about making Christ my identity.

I've learned that people love people who love people. I shouldn't have time to win the attention of others as I should be focused on loving others more than myself. My life cannot be wasted on bringing the attention to myself.
It has to be about loving God and loving others. 

My life is not about being the prettiest, smartest, or most talented. It's definitely not about being the center of the universe.
When I fully realize that it isn't about me, it takes so much pressure off my shoulders.
My life is a snapshot of what the Lord can do with a broken, but willing vessel. 

-S

Give Yourself Grace for That

Here at Liberty U, I've made friends with some of the most encouraging and wonderful people.

While going through the past months and the roller coaster my life has been on, I kept getting frustrated with myself for stupid mistakes I made in everyday life. I flirted with a guy I didn't like and screwed up a friendship, I didn't get an assignment in on time, I talked too much to get the attention, I tried too hard to get someone to notice me. Just dumb things that I didn't realize I was doing, but, in hindsight, made me feel like an idiot.

Throughout the whole ordeal, one of my closest friends kept repeating to me, "give yourself grace for that." What she meant was, you wouldn't hold it against me if I did something like that, so why should you hold it against yourself?" She reminded me that this was a brand new stage in my life and that I was just figuring out how to navigate through it.

Well, this was some of the best advice I've ever heard, and I've been repeating it for weeks.

It applies to every avenue of my life, whether it's a relationship, a class, a thought, a word, an action, a decision, literally, anything.

When I screw up again, which always happens, I just remind myself to be gracious to myself.
Jesus Christ died on the cross to extend His Grace to me. This grace delivered me from Hell, from judgment, from condemnation, and from the restraints of the law.
I don't have to experience any of those things because of CHRIST'S FORGIVENESS and GRACE. 

When I am living in the freedom that Christ has given me, grace flows into my life like a river. How can I  hold something against myself when Jesus has freed me from it?

Even though Christ has freed us from the punishment of every sin, I'm not talking about "big sins" here.
I'm calling out sins that I deal with on a daily basis. I'm talking about sins like pride, selfishness, laziness, and complaining. 

When I hold these sins against myself, I'm saying that Christ's forgiveness wasn't enough. I'm going to the cross, laying them down, and picking them back up when I leave. I'm essentially saying "Yeah, what you did there was great for other people, but I can hold onto these myself."

This will never work in a relationship with the Lord.

What I bring to the table with Jesus is nothing but dirtiness, ugliness, and sin. He brings all the good  and righteousness that has ever been. It's a pretty one-sided relationship, with Him at the forefront. He extends the grace to me and tells me it's time to forgive myself. Once I bring my sins to the cross, He takes them and I never have to touch them again.

This includes the sins I struggle with everyday. This includes my pride and selfishness, my desire to be the center of attention, or my Netflix-watching procrastination.

Jesus heals the broken. He promises us He remembers the sin no more. (Isaiah 43:25)
I'm holding on to that promise as I fight to daily give myself grace.
Grace: 
    Undeserved
    Unmerited 
    Unearned 
FAVOR 

-S

Light Jacket Weather

Today was an absolute beautiful day.

Believe it or not there are days when I keep my eyes on the sidewalk, avoid eye contact, and just try my hardest to finish classes so I can become reacquainted with my bed and Netflix. Sometimes, even an extrovert doesn't want to see anyone they know.
But today was not one of those days. 

I walked around this Liberty's campus with a smile on my face. I ran into some of my favorite people, felt pretty, and had an interview for an internship I want for over the summer.

Even with all the good things that happened today, my favorite part was that I got to wear a light jacket.
To many, wearing a light jacket might not be a big deal, but I really enjoy it.
You only get to wear a light jacket for about 4 weeks the entire year, before it gets too cold or hot to wear it.
So I was really excited when it was perfect weather for it. The wind was blowing just a little, but my jacket was warm enough to keep the chill out.
I could have chosen to focus on the homework I had, the rush I was in to get to class, the weird look some girl gave me, or any of the little things that could distract me from the beauty around me.
I didn't, I chose to focus on the light jacket I got to wear and the beautiful scenery I got to see on my walk home.

But it's not really about the jacket, is it?
I was smiling because it was beautiful out.
I was smiling because I knew the Lord was smiling on me.
I was smiling because I have been so blessed.
Today, I chose joy.

-S

When I Just Don't Feel Like It

Today's been one of those days. You know, those days?
Those days when I feel discontent, disappointed, and distracted from what the Lord has told me is my purpose.
Honestly, writing this post is even taking a considerable amount of concentration.

Lately I've found myself looking around at what others have and turning into a little green monster.
I know I shouldn't, but I find myself getting frustrated with God when I don't get exactly what I expect when I expect it.

As Christians, we have all this head-knowledge about Christ and how He came to give us an abundantly full life, as mentioned in John 10:10, but what does that actually mean when I don't feel like I'm living the abundant life?

Well first, I have to identify why I'm feeling discontent, disappointed, or distracted.
I'm going to be honest with you, most of the time it's because I've spent far too long on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, (insert social media here), and I've forgotten that social media isn't real life.
Social Media is the highlight reel. 
Think about it. You put engagements, the cutest baby pictures, your 50th selfie that is just right, and your puppy-love status on Facebook for the world to see.
What you don't put is your ugliest pictures, your mental breakdowns, or your family drama.

When I take too long looking at what others have, I forget how blessed I am right now.
When I start day-dreaming about the future, I remind myself that God has placed me here for a reason.

I'm in this time of life because He decided I should be. 
The God of the Universe decided I should be here, going to school, feeling like a mess, serving 60 girls on my hall, and trying and failing to do 300 things a day.

When the Lord places you somewhere, it's not about just surviving. It's about thriving.


So what do I do when I don't feel like it?
I laugh.
I smile.
I serve.
I listen.
I obey.
I trust.
I walk.
I push forward for the glory of God. 


-S

So, what's next?

So I'm 20 years old with all my old plans and ideas about the future thrown out the window. What's next?

Well I don't know, but I know what isn't next.
What isn't next for me is someone else. It's not another guy, relationship, job, or trip. It's a thriving and full relationship with my Jesus. It's losing myself in Him so He can refine what is best in me. 

Something that really bugs me about the ending of a relationship is when people constantly ask if I've found someone new. I understand the good intentions behind these statements, but they just don't sit right with me. Don't get me wrong, there are guys who have caught my eye, but I'm aligning with the theory that when God brings a new man into my life, God's going to kick me right in the butt, give me a box of Moon Pies, and say "here ya go." (Well maybe not quite that way, but that's how I like to think about it. God is definitely a fan of Moon Pies, as all people should be.) But guess what? God hasn't done that to me, yet. When I've began to rush ahead, He's pulled me back, mostly with a nice big slice of humble pie to go with it. God has a way of doing that, just when I think I've got it together.

But to answer the question these people are dying to know, I have found someone new.
I've found ME. 

I've found a whole new girl under the weight of what others told me I needed to be. I've found a girl stronger than she ever was before. A girl not scared to say what she wants, especially when she gets to be a little sassy about it. I've found a girl who loves outcasts and weirdos because they're the most interesting people. I've found the best friends I could ever ask for, the kind that lift me up when I need them.  I've found out that I thrive teaching in a classroom (a fact that my parents are very excited for because I'm in the third year of the program). I've found that I am way more outgoing and people oriented than I ever realized.

And most importantly, I found a young lady who leans on the Lord because He's the only one dependable enough to lean on.

I will not go seeking what the world tells me I need to find. What I will do is fall more in love with Jesus each and everyday. So when that right guy does come around, he will have to love Jesus just as much as I do for me to consider him. (And hopefully he brings some Moon Pies, couldn't hurt.)

-S

Freedom is Sweet

I've spent far too long being scared. I've spent far too long doing what others expected of me. I've spent far too long playing it safe because I was scared of what would happen if I failed. You know what the best thing about failure is? At least you tried something new. Yeah, you might not be the best and you might just really suck, but at least you did something.

Being 20 and having your whole life planned out is great and all, but where's the fun in that? Yeah, I have a loose plan for my life, if not I would have went to college, chosen a Social Studies Ed. Major, or worked my butt off to get to my Junior year, but what I'm saying is: I want to be young. I want to be free.

My life has been pretty safe and calm, and I'm so thankful for that. I have parents who love us and each other more than words can say. I grew up in the Christian faith and have never really wavered on where I stood in my beliefs. I've had some of the same friends for over a decade. I've had average life experiences that have been flavored by some amazing people. These people are what came to color my world, and as thankful as I am for each and everyone of them, I'm ready to color my world with vast experiences.

After a long-term relationship, I've recently become single. It was a weird feeling at first, kind of like not having all 10 fingers or something. You knew something was wrong, but it wouldn't result in death. But it's been 3 months, and I'm still alive. I'm actually more than alive. I feel the extreme sense of adventure and freedom creeping up on me each and everyday, and I love it. This upcoming summer I plan to travel, meet new people, try new things, do something I've never done before. It doesn't matter where, as long as I go.

Christ has set me free from the burdens of this world. I don't work for the approval of others, I work for an audience of one. He has told me He has plans for me and, although I don't know what they are, I know they are big enough to fulfill my life with experience that make me speechless. He has created all things beautiful in his time, and I know He'll walk right next to me in this time of transition in my life.

I've spent so much time waiting for Friday, waiting for college, waiting for summer, waiting for the right guy, waiting for the right friends, waiting to get married, waiting to move out, waiting to look a certain way, waiting, waiting, and more waiting. But I'm not waiting anymore. I'm going.

-S