Attention Isn't Affection

So let me be really honest right now, sometimes I do things just to get attention.

Woah, ew. I know, I hate being one of those girls. Those girls who talk too much, laugh too loud, or act too excited just to get the attention I want. But honestly, sometimes I am.
This normally happens when I feel the need to "compete" for the attention I want.

When I act like this, I am the prideful, selfish person I try so hard to keep at bay. I squash any humility the Lord has taught me in one quick motion. Something I've had to learn the hard way is that ATTENTION DOES NOT EQUAL AFFECTION. 

All my life I've had this desire to be the center of attention, making people smile and laugh. I've played out scenarios in my mind where everyday of my life is like a stand-up comedy act. I say something clever, everyone laughs, and the curtain closes.
Obviously, my life is not an episode of Saturday Night Live and I am not Jimmy Fallon (even though he's the best.)

It's taken me a long time to figure out that people can still love me even when I'm not the center of their world. My friends and family love me, even if I'm not on their minds every second of every day. They don't play along with the scripts I've imagined for them, with myself as the main character, of course. And that is a good thing! 
Their "lack of focus" on me doesn't mean I am loved any less. 

The times I say and do the "right" things to feel good about myself, I am performing for what others want. I'm no longer listening to what the Lord has called me to. 

I'm allowing others to cloud my judgment. They become little idols I carry in my pockets that weigh me down.
When my life becomes about being the center of attention, I no longer allow it to be about making Christ my identity.

I've learned that people love people who love people. I shouldn't have time to win the attention of others as I should be focused on loving others more than myself. My life cannot be wasted on bringing the attention to myself.
It has to be about loving God and loving others. 

My life is not about being the prettiest, smartest, or most talented. It's definitely not about being the center of the universe.
When I fully realize that it isn't about me, it takes so much pressure off my shoulders.
My life is a snapshot of what the Lord can do with a broken, but willing vessel. 

-S